Argh..I suddenly feel that I am damn incompetent sia..yeah..feel so useless..I envy my friends who work..I want to work but because of some restrictions, I am not given a chance to do so..I feel like I am still a mummy girl, while my friends are mature adults..sometimes I feel so wu2 neng2 wei2 li4..yeah..I really envy those working people and I really admire them..I feel that they are so much more competent and useful to society than me..I am just a nobody in this world..I didn't contribute anything, yet I still need to make my parents worry for me..I feel so guilty about it..I am not young anymore, yet I still need people to take care of me..Can you feel what I feel? the feeling of being a useless??

Yeah..I think I am just like the flower that is protected and not the grass that is independent and strong..I don't want to be a flower like that, but given to current situation, given to my current condition, yeah..given to the fact that I am living in a foreign countries, I can't have the freedom like that..

How I wish I can work hard together with my friend, change our views about our works, yeah..how I wish..

I really feel so useless cos I can't even 'feed' myself..can't earn money to at least cover my own monthly expenses..really..compare to my other friends..I really really respect them..

I really feel useless for not being a meticulous person, a person that unable to fully show concern and care to my surrounding people..yeah..I really respect people like my parents, who are really willing to sacrifice for the sake of others..I think I am not mature enough, to learn what is the meaning of real sacrifice...

I really feel useless for being unable to settle my own things..yeah, being an indecisive person, always feel scared that I will hurt others, when in fact I've hurt them more than enough..I really feel useless to keep making the same mistakes over 'n over again in my life..I didn't really look into the matters and I choose to walk away and avoid them..And as predicted, I never learn from my mistakes and I did the same things again..

I really feel that I am a lot more incompetent compare to other people..I feel that I have a lot of flaws ..I am not flawless..I am not perfect..although I tried very hard to find the meaning of being a perfect..but I guess, I am wrong all the while..

I really condemn myself for being such a useless person, although I've tried very hard to do my part..but I guess, everything is wrong at the very beginning, I need time to really find the meaning of everything that I want..I can't change in a second or a minute..yeah..a leopard can't change its spot..but I can change, just that I need time for it.. I only wish that people ard me will try to understand me in the meanwhile..yeah..that's all that I need..

I think I am a bad person that can't even do my duty as a person..I am not a good daughter ( I keep making my parents worry for me, even at such age) ..I am not a gd sister ( I can't communicate with my sis sometimes, even though I love her)..I am not a gd fren ( A gd fren won't let any friends to cry or angry for her..A gd fren will make you happy )..I am not a gd..wat else I am nt gd at?? I am not good in almost EVERYTHING..what is worse than that?? I can see only all my bad points..And I am always trying very hard to cover them all the while..

I think I am really useless..and I am sad to admit that..U noe why? I am not sad because of myself..I am sad to say this because I know if my parents know what I am thinking right now, they will feel even more hurt than what I feel now..Every parents will want their children to be the best..but what if they know that their child think this way?? They will surely very very hurt..I know that..That's why all the while I don't want to admit all these..

I am useless..

I am not noble..I am not great..I am a girl that keep making mistakes in my life..Do u know that it really take a lot of bravery to admit you wrongs in front of the public?? When I admit it here, that means I don't care what people will think about me already..but I am worried for my parents..I don't know how people will think of them, for having such a daughter like me..But please, don't ever implicate them..It is my own doing..I should be held responsible for all this and not them..They have done their part fully..It's me who let them down..I really feel sorry for that..